Thursday, 9 August 2012


I have been a bad blogger. But I have two valid reasons. One is I have had a recent deluge of paid writing work. And two, I fell pregnant. It was a mild shock and I just couldn't bring myself to warble on about other matters when something really big was going on but which I could not yet divulge.
I'm nearly 12 weeks now so the secret's out, the twins know and Charles and I are getting our heads around the fact that we will be parents of three! Oh and it will only be three, as we have checked and breathed a sigh of relief at the single little heart beat. Although our adventurous sides did feel a twinge of disapointment - one heart beat did seem a little uneventful after our first adrenalin rush of a scan with the twins.
But don't get me wrong, I am ever so grateful at the chance to bear one baby and possibly have the chance to actually feel like a mother and not the manageress of a baby factory.
I've had various reactions to our new family way and I can understand where they come from. To be honest I did not take to mothering the twins like a duck to water at first and was quite put out by their incessant demands in the beginning. I probably only felt I was getting a handle on things from when they were about
3 1/2. So why now when things have just started getting more fun do I want to start all over again? And I think quite a few of my friends are wondering this same thing - including my own mother.
Its difficult to explain and I've come to realise that deciding to make another human being is a deeply personal decision between the two potential parents. Sometimes you have no logical reason and its just a deep instinctive urge. I feel that's partly my reason - I just couldn't shake the urge to make another crying, demanding, sleep-thief! Because that little dependent wailer will grow into a fantastic human being that will forever be part of me.
Secondly I really am looking forward to having the chance to give birth naturally and to breast feed without worrying that one baby is drinking up all the supplies before the other has a chance!
On the other hand I am a little anxious as I'm not your textbook baby person with endless supplies of gracious patience, but I think if I've managed to raise twins, who so far seem relatively emotionally undamaged and happy, I'm sure I can do it again - given my hard earned mothering stripes.
In the mean time, although morning sickness has been far worse this time around, I refuse to let this pregnancy be a reason for apathy and am continuing in my usual and exhausting goal-orientated way.
My horse and I are just coming along nicely with our regular jumping lessons so that is going to have to continue for as long as possible. And every moment spent with the twins is deeply valuable, as I know this will be heavily jeopardised when the baby arrives. Oh and my dear husband, who I admit I have a tendency to neglect with all this child raising and bearing. Well, I'll do my best to make him feel more than just a money making factory!